Learning how to be more talkative, especially when it comes to talking online, has become a pretty important skill many want to get. And for a good reason. Did you know that 96% of young adults aged 18-26 own smartphones? And, of course, almost all of them have some sort of social media platform where they can chat with other people.
While doing our investigation, we found out that many people today struggle with online social skills. A lot of them say they face struggles due to being an introvert, being too shy to approach people (not just offline but even online), or overall have this idea that “the moment you write something to that person, they will immediately ghost you”.
But let us tell you that it is all actually quite manageable. Not every one of your fears is an actual fear, but more of a projection that has little to nothing to do with how exactly that other person thinks of you.
To help you better understand those nuances, we have decided to come up with this little guide. Here we will show you several signals that will scream “you are more approachable than you think” in terms of online communication, give you some examples of small talks you can try next time, and share our thoughts on how to overcome your shyness. So, let's begin.
Signal that You’re Approachable Online
Want to connect better with people online? It starts with seeming friendly and open. When you message someone, they decide if you are worth talking to in just a few seconds. And that's really fast! This is why your writing style matters. Use simple words. Write like you are talking to a friend. Don't sound too formal or stiff.
People can actually tell when you are being genuine. Smile with your words. And ask questions. Basically, show that you care about what others think and, most importantly, be positive, not negative. It can help people feel comfortable talking to you. When you seem approachable, people want to respond. They will share more with you, and then warm conversations will start happening.
Show Positivity in Your Messages
Positive messaging makes regular chats feel more fun and interesting. People love getting messages that sound happy and upbeat, and they will reply way more to positive messages than boring or mean ones. You can start talking to people with nice greetings like "Hope you're having a great day!" Or you can just share some good things happening in your life (but reserve it for when you already know the person).
When people tell you something good that happened to them, just get excited with them! When they are going through tough times, be a supportive person.
Small talk works better when you keep things light and cheerful, or just want to find out updates on people’s lives without going into too much detail. It shows people that you didn't forget about them and will might urge them to keep talking to you too (not always the case since you also have to read the room). Try also using emojis or stickers sometimes. They can help you to show feelings that you might find hard to describe with words. Just know that even a simple smiley face will make your message feel much warmer.
Show that you listen
This one is a very important aspect. Good listening online means showing people you actually read what they wrote (which, sadly, is not the case for a lot of people). People who actually remember details from old messages can build stronger online friendships and better connections.
When someone tells you something, ask some follow-up questions about it. Don't just say “cool” or “nice.” It's boring, and the other person might feel like you don't really care. Try something like "That project you mentioned sounds tough, tbh… How did your presentation go?" This simple example shows that you actually read what they wrote and that you care about how they felt in that exact moment.
Our advice to you is to always pay attention to what important stuff people mention. Remember their interests and problems, and then ask about them again later.
Ask Simple Questions to Start a Conversation Online
We know that starting a conversation might be a big pain, especially if you are a socially awkward person. Constant overthinking “Did I write it correctly?” or “What if they think I mean it another way?” eats your mind up. Good conversation starters over text can help you out here. They use questions that are easy to answer but still interesting. Questions where people can give longer answers work better than yes or no questions. They help conversations keep going.
Try asking things like "What's been the best part of your week?" or "Found any good shows to watch lately?" These online conversation topics give people lots of ways to respond. They stay casual and don't feel pushy.
Advice: Think about who you are talking to when picking questions. With new friends, stick to easy topics like hobbies, movies, or daily life. With close friends, you can ask deeper questions about dreams, problems, or important life stuff.
Use Small Talk to Find Common Ground
We know that not everyone is fond of small talk. But let’s be real. How else would you keep your friendship if not using those little chats that can help you understand what the other person is up to?
Start chats by asking about things everyone deals with daily. For example, talk about the weather, current news, or popular shows. Questions like "How's your Monday treating you?" or "Did you see that new movie everyone's talking about?" give people easy ways to connect without thinking too hard.
Good online small talk means sharing things people can relate to easily. When someone says they are tired, you could say, "I totally get that. This Monday's energy is real! What's been keeping you busy?" It shows you understand their feelings and opens up bigger conversations.
The thing with online small talk is not staying on surface topics too long. Once you start talking, move into more interesting stuff quickly. For example, if you talk about one specific movie, you can also try to move to, for example, what other movies that specific actor played in, or try to find something else to watch together.
Ask Gradually More Personal Questions
This one is important. Not everyone is comfortable with sharing some personal info right off the bat. Take time to know each other first. This is how an actual connection builds and stays longer than when you'd just dive deep in the first few days, then worry why they don't answer.
And part of feeling comfortable enough to open up is knowing the space you're in actually takes your safety seriously. Platforms that put real effort into verifying their users make it much easier to be vulnerable with someone new — CupidFeel explains how their verification process is built, if you want to see what that looks like in practice.
First, when you just meet, try to use safe personal questions about what they like and do. Ask things like “What kind of music gets you through tough days?” or “What's something you are looking forward to this month?” These questions show someone's personality. Most people feel okay answering them.
When chats get better, ask about values and bigger thoughts. For example, try “What's something that always makes you feel happy?” or “If you could learn any skill instantly, what would it be?” These online conversation topics show who people really are. They create a surface for more topics to explore together, find what the other person likes, and, if lucky to match the interests, continue talking specifically about them.
Just know that the best friendships, no matter offline or online, are a two-way street. You can't just expect the other person to give while you're not doing a thing. When they share personal stuff about themselves, you should share too. It helps people trust each other more and feel safe being vulnerable.
Don't forget that some people need more time to feel comfortable sharing personal things with you (and anyone else). Respect how fast they want to go. Don't push too hard for deep information before trust gets built through good, consistent chats.
Practice in Everyday Online Interactions
Getting better at online conversations also means practicing lots in easy situations. People who chat on different websites and apps get better at talking to others. And, these skills work everywhere, with all kinds of people.
You can start practicing by commenting on posts you really like. Don't just write “cool” or “nice.” This way, you will never learn. In turn, write some more thoughtful responses with deep observations or questions.
Sometimes you might have those friends that you used to talk to, and now you barely see each other. But what if you try to text them as well? It can help you upgrade your communication skills. For example, you can try to send some casual messages to old classmates or coworkers. You can use these chats to get better before reaching out to really important people in your life.
Overcoming Shyness and Building Confidence
When doing our investigation, we found that shyness is a very big factor that makes people feel isolated from others. Simply, because they can't make themselves reach out first. If you feel the same, you are actually not alone.
Want to know where to start? Try one-on-one conversations first. Why? Because you control how fast things go. You can take your time writing responses. No pressure to think of something clever right away. Feeling anxious about social stuff? Online communication gives you a huge advantage. You get time to think before responding. No awkward silences or pressure to talk immediately.
Here's a simple trick that works: start by giving people some compliments or encouragement. Sounds scary? It is actually pretty low-risk! Basically, these are the positive messages, and they are the easiest to send and help you practice expressing yourself online.
We believe you shouldn't just dive into online communication like it's your last resort. It will only make things worse and make you avoid communication altogether. Instead, try setting tiny goals for yourself. Maybe send one little message each day? Or just join one online discussion per week? Small steps like these build confidence over time. Each positive experience makes the next conversation easier.
Share Your Thoughts and Experiences
So, do you want to make friends online? Then, start sharing your thoughts and experiences! People connect with those who open up and show their real personality. Start with simple steps: comment on stuff others can relate to. Share your reaction to a movie you watched. Talk about current events. Mention observations from your daily life. These genuine expressions help people see who you really are.
When someone shares something with you, respond with your own related story. If a friend mentions work stress, first sympathize with them, then, if they want, talk about what helps you cope. You can also try “would you rather” questions! Ask things like “Would you rather teleport or read minds?” Yes, it's simple, but why not? They can still start some fun chats and help you see the person’s character.
Finally, remember to balance things out. Yes, you can share your thoughts, but also ask follow-up questions about others' experiences. Be willing to elaborate on your feelings when it feels right.
Final Thoughts
Getting better at talking online takes time and practice. Want to know the secret? The best online communicators mix being real with actually listening to others. Just know that building strong online social skills happens slowly; it won't happen overnight, you know? Just focus on being genuinely interested in others, but also sharing appropriately about yourself.
The skills you learn online often help with face-to-face conversations too! As you get more comfortable expressing yourself digitally, your overall communication gets better everywhere. Are you an introvert wanting easier connections? Someone trying to overcome shyness? Or just wanting better digital communication skills? The strategies we mentioned in this article can give you a solid foundation to become more talkative and confident online.
Start with small steps. Be patient with yourself. Focus on meaningful connection rather than perfect communication. You've got this!
